Phrases of Appalachia

Hello Appalachia!

I polled the Appalachian Facebook masses last week for some phrases you hear in rural mountain communities. I don't think that all these sayings are strictly Appalachian, because I'm sure you also hear them in the south and probably the midwest. but I'm sure if you told someone in California that they're "crazier than an outhouse mouse," they would give you a funny look. The participation I got for writing this post was overwhelming, and I want thank everyone who participated. I couldn't possibly publish so many sayings, so I narrowed it down to my ten favorites. Some of them speak for themselves, and for some of them I included the poster's definition. I can assure you, grammatical infractions are intentional, and I truly think they spice up some of these mottos. So here you go: 

1. Make your bed hard, you turn over often. (Be careful of the choices you make.)
2. Shit fire and save the matches.
3. If you don't hush, I'm gonna give you something to cry about. 
4. Sounds like a dying dog in a hail storm. (Something making awful noise.) 
5. Finer than frog’s hair. (Something that’s really nice or fine.)
6. Gettin' too big for his/her britches (pants). (Someone is being cocky,)
7. I'll dust your britches. (Spanking)
8. Living a champagne life on a beer pocketbook. (Spending money hastily.)
9. Start out like you can hold out. (I think this one means don't bite off more than you can chew.)
10. If you're gonna be stupid, you better be tough.

     I would also like to add a few that I've heard my family use a lot. My dad is fond of describing lazy people by saying "He's never took a lick at a dead snake," which means this person is too lazy to even kill a dead snake, which maybe is difficult task? I'm not in the business of snake killing, so I don't know if it's taxing on the body. My grandpa tells me at least once a week "Don't take no wooden nickels." I'm assuming that means don't let anyone take advantage of you or fool you. And finally, I often catch myself saying "I've never seen the beat," which means I am shocked or can't believe something that just happened.

    I hope you've enjoyed these mountain phrases. I certainly smiled while reading them. Maybe you've even found something quirky to enhance your own vocabulary. A lot of the submissions were creative ways to threaten a spanking, which is a form of discipline that is rapidly fading from society, so maybe ten years from now, you'll tell your kid you're going to tan their hide, and they won't have a clue that their bottom could be in grave danger. I wonder how Appalachian language and dialect will evolve and transform in this booming technological age. I guess we'll see! Thanks for reading! 

*Do you have a favorite Appalachian saying? How did your grandparents threaten your behind? Let me know at mountainbloodwv@gmail.com, or on Facebook under the name MountainBlood WV. 

My Roadtrip to Charleston, South Carolina

Hello Appalachia!

      I've been a busy bee for the last month and a half, but I got a nice break this week in the form of a roadtrip to the deep south. So much scrimping, scraping, and sacrificing went into making this trip a reality, so I'm pretty sad that it was over so fast, but the days I spent in Charleston, South Carolina were wonderful.

     We started our trip at 7 a.m. and spent the whole day traveling from West Virginia to South Carolina. We stopped for lunch. It was my first time eating at Bojangles, (which is apparently a big deal to a lot of people). It was okay, but I think all the hype had my expectations a little too high. We rolled into Charleston around 5:30 in the evening, where we dropped off our bags at the hotel and continued on to Sullivan's Island. This moment in my trip was probably my favorite. I'm nearly 24 and this was my first time ever seeing the ocean. It was such a special moment.

     After some wading, I got to pick dinner. I was determined to continue the theme of "trying new things for the first time," so I chose sushi. After a lot of fumbling with the chopsticks and steeling myself for the likely event that my lunch from Bojangles would end up on the table, I took a bite. At the time, I really enjoyed it, but when I think about it now, I get so grossed out. I don't understand why, because I ate the entire plate of tuna/spicy mayo sushi. I also ordered a side of fried calamari (squid), and it really was delicious. I would forsake chicken nuggets for the rest of my life if I could just have fried calamari instead. Too bad we don't have squid here in the mountains.

    The next morning, we woke up super early and packed our picnic for our afternoon at the beach on Sullivan's Island. A sign at the entrance led me to believe that coyotes frequented the beach, and that I "shouldn't" feed them, which my wild mountain brain interpreted as "it is possible to feed them and temporarily join their pack for a day of coyote beach fun." But alas, no coyotes made an appearance.

    This beach is mainly used by locals who own the fancy beach homes, so there weren't very many people there at all. We snacked on our picnic, collected shells, and returned to our basket to find that a flock of seagulls had stolen our entire bag of pepperoni rolls. I hope they enjoyed them, because unless they come to West Virginia, it isn't likely they'll ever have them again.

    I also spent a lot of time playing in the ocean. I also got to experience a full on "fight or flight" response for the first time. I was chest deep in the salty water, which unlike the crystal lakes of my homeland, was very murky, I couldn't even see my feet. This made me wary enough. The real fun started when I thought I saw a bird floating on the water about 30 feet away from me. No big deal. I've shared my swimming space with ducks plenty of times. Until it suddenly disappeared. The ocean is noisy and choppy and constantly changing. I didn't let it alarm me, because I thought my eyes were being tricked by my ever changing surroundings. Until a moment later, before my very eyes, a big gray back with a big fin broke the surface of the water 20 feet from where I stood! Now, I've seen bears and snakes, and I've heard a pack of coyotes howling in the distance during a full moon, but in that moment, nature was no longer my friend. It was very likely a dolphin. The locals didn't seem too freaked out about it, but being from the sweet, dry land of Appalachia, I had no experience in discerning sharks from dolphins. My brain replayed every shark attack story I had watched on the news this summer. I thought of every movie where a fin breaks the water, and moments later, the ocean is a sea of blood. I high-tailed it out of that water faster than you can say "West Virginia or bust." I didn't get back in after that.

    After our lovely, mostly peaceful, slightly terrifying, morning on the beach, we decided to check out historic downtown Charleston. We hailed a horse and carriage, where we learned all about  the local architecture and history. I learned that the city used to be protected from pirates by a stone wall that was 20 feet high. I learned that the houses were vibrantly colored because of the slaver's who brought some of their culture from Barbados. During the Civil War, the city was under fire for over 500 consecutive days. Rice was briefly Charleston's main cash crop, until slavery was abolished, then the rice business died. Malaria was a major problem, especially for those working around the damp swamps. I swooned over the beautiful, southern style gardens. It was a very informative little tour, and a great way to kill an hour.

   We then explored the local farmer's market. It's my new goal in life to learn to weave baskets by hand. We had BBQ for dinner. We strolled along the beach, gathering more shells and watching the crabs scurry underfoot until it was too dark to see. We left early the next morning and came home to work and school and all the other obligations we managed to escape for 72 hours. Back to the grind. Thanks for reading!

Have you ever explored Charleston, South Carolina? Have you ever had a frightening animal encounter like my dolphin/shark experience? I'd love to hear about it at mountainbloodwv@gmail.com, or on Facebook under MountainBlood WV.